You know you’re a bad mother when… you receive a backhanded compliment like this one:
“Mum you could be a teacher if you wanted to. You would just need to work on your mood and try not to be so cranky at the children”
The truth hurts…
This morning as I was trying to leave the house an argument erupted.
Scarlett was trying to tell me something, and her brother was complaining at me that I hadn’t put his cereal bowl in the right spot. I told Scarlett to wait a minute. At this point she burst into tears and ran down stairs screaming that Xavier always gets to talk first.
After losing my own temper, I put Xavier in his place (screaming) while I went to find Scarlett. When I found her I apologised for what had happened.
As I hugged her she said “I wish Xavier had a zipper in his mouth and only you could open it”.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Confronted with a bare bottom boy bounding down the stairs, wiggling and wobbling all around the place, I asked “why haven’t you got any pants on?”. He replied with the most logical explanation “it’s much cooler than way Mum”.
Today is my birthday. I’m thirty six and just realised just how quickly the last 6 years have gone! Six years ago I celebrated my birthday expecting my first child. I was blissfully unaware of the magnitude of the changes this child would enforce on me. And yet, I cannot imagine my life had these changes not occurred.
It’s been an extremely busy couple of weeks. Still getting into the swing of doing the whole school thing, I now feel a little more relaxed about it all and not so frightened of forgetting to pack lunch or return notes on time. Scarlett has settled in to OOSH a little better, and Xavier has stopped crying when I leave him at preschool, instead adopting an awkward little sad wave goodbye. Lots of cuddles resolve any ill feelings at night.
I have been insanely busy at work lately, which I have come to realise has made me a little on edge at home, but I am trying to be conscious of it and keep things in perspective. Even though at times I feel that I am not achieving anything much, I am lucky enough to have a boss who reassures me that I am, and appreciates my efforts.
After an extremely long week (having attending a music festival and two gigs), I am just grateful to stay home today (in my pyjamas) and do the things that make me happy. Presents in bed, breakfast made by someone else, lounging around and baking. Today I have made good use of some bananas that were going bad…
And have also made some delicious Crunchy Lola Cookies…
But what I am enjoying right now, is listening two my delightful children playing ‘schools’ downstairs. Scarlett, being so excited about learning new things at school, has decided to start her own letter lessons for toddlers such as her brother. I wonder if she will become a teacher one day?
Starting school is something I’ve thought plenty about over the past five and a half years. When Scarlett was younger, I wondered if she would be able to start school ‘early’ at four and a half since she was an August baby.
After her first year of preschool, I quickly realised that she was nowhere near ready for school, and didn’t even ask the question.
During her second year of preschool, she flourished. Under the guidance of a firm but caring teacher, she learnt that not everything could be done her way, and also learnt how to be confident and assertive in groups, overcoming her shyness a little.
Once she ‘graduated’ from preschool, I had no qualms about her readiness for school. That was until the week before she was due to start…
I got messages and emails from friends wishing me luck. Every person I saw asked me how I was feeling about it. It made me focus on it much more that I would have otherwise, and it made me anxious and confused.
Unlike some mothers, I never have those moments of longing or regret that the baby days are over. I don’t think back to my children being babies and wish I could go back. I am always excited and relieved to pass new milestones and don’t want to ponder the past too much.
All this talk of how I would cope with my first child going to school made me wonder if I would be emotional. Would I be scared and not want to let her go? I did feel nervous on the day we were due to go. Had I remembered to label everything correctly? Had I ensured she had everything she needed? It was really more about if I was going to pass my first day as a school mum.
After we finally arrived for her first day of big school, I walked with her to the classroom, and before I had a chance to think, she had gone in and sat down with the class. I had to call her back so I could say goodbye and give her a kiss. I did not get teary or cry. I did not feel sad or worried for her – I was just relieved and proud.
She is a smart little girl who is confident in herself. She makes up her mind about (most) things for herself and is determined enough to see things through. While she has not gone into kindergarten with many close friends, I know she will make some when it suits her.
Now there is only the matter of my own insecurities… I have many mixed feelings about the incongruence of my desire to further myself in my career, and my want to be a ‘good’ mother and participate in my children’s school life.
Talking to other parents at school, I have discovered that (mostly) mums are expected to participate in school activities such as sporting events, helping with group work in class, canteen duty and more. As someone who works four days a week, I am not sure how much of this I will be able to commit to, yet I don’t want my child to feel that her parents are not as involved as others’ parents.
I guess it is something many parents have no choice in, and I am lucky that, for the moment, I have some flexibility to work ‘part time’. I am already starting to worry about two years down the track when my youngest starts school, when my right to work part time will no longer be a given, but a privilege. In the mean time, I guess I will have to learn to navigate each school term, and see where I can fit everything in…
My little girl went to big school for a classroom visit today. One hour in the classroom without mum or dad. She survived. I debriefed with other mums. The school uniform shop was open for orders and fittings and boy are they cute (and expensive).
At the end of the day, we went to preschool to pick up her brother. We went to see some of her friends on the way through, and we watched her as she flaunted her chocolate milk in front of them.
When it came time to leave, one of the boys said that Scarlett couldn’t go home yet. I told him that she would have to come home with him and sleep at his place the night. He seemed happy with that suggestion. The other boy sitting next to her was not. He said she was to come to his house instead. I suggested that they would need to share her around.
Taking it all in, Scarlett replied to the boys “you’ll need to photocopy me”. A simple solution.
Dressed in a costume consisting of a kangaroo tail and ears, Scarlett came to have lunch. Ask she sat down she exclaimed “now I understand why Kangaroos don’t sit on chairs!” Of course!
Today in an attempt to avert other priorities, on the way home form an outing we decided to go for an impromptu bush walk. It’s been years since I went to Knapsack Bridge, and after a few hundred metres of walking Scarlett started complaining. Granted, we weren’t dress or stocked for the occasion, but we decided to push on anyway. More complaining ensued as we walked along the paved road that leads to the historic bridge.
After arriving at the bridge, we found ourselves descending the stairs down the side of the bridge.
The magnificence of this historic structure kept us moving down the stairs marvelling at each new angle. The kids became excited by the rain forest atmosphere as we got closer to the bottom.
Once we had made several attempts to get back up the other side of the stream, we realised we would have to go back the way we came once again. To my surprise, there was barely a complaint from either child. They even ran the last few hundred metres back to the car. Well I guess that may have been due tot he promise of chocolate once there, but…
This morning my first born lost her first tooth. She’s all smiles!
In the weeks leading up to this point, as it progressively became looser and looser, I was shocked to learn that I am squeamish when it comes to teeth! I never normally have any problems with bodily functions or fluids, cuts or bruises, but when I had my first peek into her mouth at the tooth, I felt nauseous.
I asked my other half to deal with the tooth situation, because I simply couldn’t do it. He had a look a few times, and even had a tug at it with a tissue, but to no end. Our daughter is very sensitive to even the slightest amount of pain, and the sight of blood sends her into hysterics.
All our anxiety about this tiny little tooth was set free this morning, as she screamed from the mirror ‘it’s gone, my tooth is gone”!! Nowhere to be seen, we suspect she swallowed it during the night. So tonight the tooth fairy shall pay her first ever visit to our house – even without the evidence she usually requires.
Today was the first official visit to big school for our first born child. I hadn’t thought much of it until today, only concerning myself with preparing her for what to come. As we walked in the gate to the school I felt a little anxious. For her, for me, for all of us.
As outspoken and crazy as she is at home, our girl is a tad shy in group situations. Never one to assert herself when big personalities are around, she quietly sits back taking everything in and then makes her judgement once she feels comfortable.
When we arrived and found the other preschool kids there were several she knew from preschool. I sighed with relief, but she was anything but relaxed. She was reluctant to interact with her friends preferring instead to stay by out side.
As the year 5 buddies started circling looking for their kindy kids I was sure there would be resistance or maybe even tears. There wasn’t. A lovely boy named Jem (who we had mistaken for a girl from the letter we received in the mail due to his long hair, feminine features and ambiguous name) came to find Scarlett. He was jovial and friendly but as he approached I was nervous. He introduced himself, asked her name and then took her hand. Off they went went without a second thought.
I was so proud and relieved that she went without a fuss. I was so worried about her being too fragile or shy to participate, but she certainly proved me wrong. Seeing her participate in the school parade, seeing her watch and listen intently to the band and choir gave me confidence.
I’m sure she will be fine starting school next year, but will I?
woman. trying to figure out how to be.
Dr Catherine Attard
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another mother 