It’s been a difficult little while with work getting me down, and my emotions being all over the place. I applied for a new job which I don’t think I got (I had an interview but haven’t heard back), which only highlights how miserable I am in my current situation.
I find it hard to contain my temper sometimes. When it’s been a long day and the kids just won’t do what they’re told, I yell. It’s the only thing that seems to get a reaction. Scarlett has started to tell me when she doesn’t like it when I am ‘mean’. It makes me feel bad – like she’s the grown up – and it makes me stop and look at my behaviour.
Every now and again when I’m experiencing a moment of clam, I like to tell the kids that I don’t mean to be cranky so much and that no matter what I always love them etc etc.
Today when I told them this, Scarlett gave me some advice. She said that when I am feeling cranky, I should pretend that I am not cranky, then go into another room if I want to be cranky. I told her it was a good idea.
It makes me wonder what she thinks of me. I know she loves me – she tells me often – but I do feel that I let her down as a parent sometimes. I’ve been to the positive parenting program. I should know better. I should be the grown up.